Strange year so far

It's February 14th and I've been paddling once this year so far.  Once!

Part of that is due to the drought that finally ended. Part of it is due to me catching Flu A in mid January which took me down for a solid 3 weeks.  And part of it was a week long ski vacation the first part of February. But I don't know.  Maybe I'm tired of it.  

Tired of a couple things  - running stuff I've run hundreds of times, because I have dialed back from doing harder runs.   

And tired of losing friends to the river. I've lost so many - you have no idea.  What used to be amusing carnage videos to me has become a source of anxiety.  I guess once you know, you can't not know.  

It's been two years since we lost Carin to a terrible freak accident in an easy rapid, because it was on a creek, and creeks around here are undercut and dangerous in other, often unseen, ways. 

During the last flood event a few weeks ago there were three near-death incidents I was aware of.  One was an elite C-boater who wrote a detailed trip report.  It gave me chills. 

There is an element of celebrating near misses and luck in whitewater kayaking that isn't there in the other sports I do.  Gopro cameras and youtube have made it worse, or maybe just more visible.  People do flooded rivers with no roll, swim, and post it everywhere for views.  People blow lines at serious undercuts and giggle.  Once you know, you can't not know.

Anyway, lots to ponder.  I am certain I'll paddle at least one day this weekend, because there is finally consistent local water.  And it'll probably be old faithful Mulberry, like I choose so many times.  Like I chose two years ago instead of going on the trip to the West Fork Little River when we lost Carin.  So I found out about her death just above Race Course Rapid on the Mulberry, when I got a call from Russell.  Instead of being there and trying to be part of the crew of our friends who desparately, desparately, tried to save her.

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Whitewater Kayaking is a dangerous sport.  But it can also be thrilling and wonderful like no other.  I know what it is to be smitten by the river.  Maybe I still am, I don't know.